Snacks and the Missing Muffins
by Stargalaxy
Summary: Someone is stealing muffins from the kitchen and the little winged ferret is accused of it. Sheppard & McKay go on a stakeout to proof Snacks’ innocence. Of course nothing is easy for our boys. Mystery & a little whump thrown in. COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

Title: Snacks and the Missing Muffins  
Author: Stargalaxy  
Rated: K+  
Category: General (Mystery, Humour)  
Spoilers: None  
Disclaimer: Not mine except for Snacks and OC's.  
Summary: Someone is stealing blueberry muffins from the mess hall kitchen and the little winged ferret, Snacks, is accused of being the thief. Sheppard and McKay go on a stakeout to proof the little Talmera's innocence and nap the thief in the process. Of course things are never easy for our boys.

AN: This story was written for all the readers who wanted a short fic with Snacks in it. Be warned, there's silliness in this tale, including a bit of whump or two. I think my more serious muses are taking a break and I'm currently being visited by playful plot-bunnies with weird ideas. (Heh) Also, I often wondered how Sheppard would react if he had a pet and it was accused of doing something wrong. This fic is the result of that.

For those who don't know Snacks, he's a little alien critter (known as a "Talmera") that Sheppard met and befriended on a wraith worshipper's world in my story _Uncommon Alliance_. You don't need to read that story in order to understand this one. Just know that Snacks looks like a ferret with wings. It likes to steal small shiny stuff and of course food. Its favourite food is power bars.

**Title: Snacks and the Missing Muffins  
**by Stargalaxy

**Chapter 1: Stakeout**

"You sure this is a good idea?" McKay asked in a low whisper as he crouched down behind some kitchen work benches as his fingers creped slowly upwards, wanting to snag a chocolate cupcake that was placed on the cooling trays just above him. The stake out was making him hungry. Was that his stomach he just heard growling?

Sheppard however swatted the scientist's hand away from the delicious cupcakes, while giving his companion a disapproving glare at the same time.

"Ow! What was that for?" McKay asked, looking offended as he whipped back the limp and curled it defensively next to his chest.

"We're here on a stakeout to catch a muffin thief _not _for _you_ to be a cupcake thief, Rodney," Sheppard hissed back softly. "By the way, you may want to keep your stomach growls down, McKay. After all, we don't want to _scare off _the actual thief when he arrives, do we?"

"Oh.. Ha ha, very funny… But I can't help it if I get the attack of the munchies… All this cloak and dagger stuff does that to me!" Rodney counted defensively. "Besides, you _know _that I need to retain my blood sugar level in times of stress, and crouching here almost half the night smelling blueberry muffins and cupcakes is particularly stressful for me, a sure way of _increasing _my high blood pressure. I'm practically starving here, Sheppard!"

Sheppard glanced down at his watch, pursed his lips briefly and shot the scientist another look. "At three am in the morning, Rodney? Shouldn't your stomach be asleep by now?"

"Not if its owner is wide awake doing a stakeout with some crazy colonel as a _favour_, might I remind you_…" _he emphasized the point, "when I should be asleep in bed dreaming that I'm swimming in a sea of chocolate cupcakes playing with the latest range of tablet PCs…" A dreamy look flitted across his features.

Sheppard shot him an odd look and whispered, "Wait, you actually _dream _that you're sleeping in a sea of _chocolate cupcakes _with _tablet PCs_?" The pilot shook his head in puzzlement, looking as if he would never understand the scientist in a million years. "If I haven't said this before, I'll say it now… you're geeky weird, McKay. And in case you've forgotten Rodney, you actually _volunteered _to accompany me on this stakeout…"

"Well, Teyla and Ronon took their turns to accompany you on the first two nights, so I'm just doing my part. Besides, you should be _grateful_ that I'm keeping you out of trouble…"

"Keeping _me _out of trouble, McKay?" The tone sounded amused.

"Hey, do I hear _ungratefulness _here? After all, am I in my quarters, asleep in my bed all warm and snug? _Nooo_. What am I doing instead? Hanging around playing _detective_ with an Air Force Colonel, in addition to suffering hunger pants because I can _see_ but not _touch _all the newly baked muffins and cupcakes cooling on baking trays around us. If this is your idea of torture, Sheppard, I can tell you for a fact that it's working brilliantly. If I fai… pass out of hypoglycaemia it's going to be all your fault!"

"Okay… I get it McKay, will you just keep it _down?_"

McKay clamped his mouth shut but he knew that he'd gotten his point across concerning tantalizing cupcakes and his ever growling stomach. He waited for the colonel to come to a decision as the other man sighed and shot him a dirty look. Sheppard shook his head as if in exasperation, popped his head up to sneak a peek at the chocolate cupcakes sitting just above the table counter where they were hiding under, next to some food crates and stated softly, "Okay, you can take one to munch on."

Smirking now, McKay licked his lips as he lifted his left hand and stretched out his fingers to grab a cupcake.

"Actually, McKay, make that two."

Rodney turned to look at Sheppard in surprise, mouthing a silent '_two'_?

"You're not the only one who's getting hungry smelling them, Rodney…" Sheppard admitted with a wry grin. "Just remember to pay for them and leave a note before we depart tonight. The last thing we need is Chef Dooberry screaming about cupcake thieves raiding her kitchen and accusing Snacks of it…"

McKay grinned back with the eagerness of a kid as he napped two chocolate cupcakes and tossed one to Sheppard, who caught it deftly with his hand.

Both men were munching their cupcakes in silent contentment when they heard a noise coming from the mess hall softly approaching the kitchen. McKay froze immediately, a cupcake half eaten in his hand. Sheppard, he saw, had placed his finger on his lips gesturing the scientist to keep silent. Quickly gulping down the remaining pieces of cupcake, he echoed Sheppard's motion by placing the rest of the cupcake silently on the floor. Then, as quietly as possible, he fingered the digital camcorder that he hung around his neck. He saw Sheppard take a careful peek at the side. The pilot shoulder blades stiffened suddenly and he whispered a name softly in disbelief and disappointment.

"_Snacks..._"

---

**Several days earlier…**

"Snacks is _not _a thief!" John Sheppard stated stubbornly as angry hazel-green eyes glared obstinately at Atlantis' head chef, Doris D­ooberry.

The stout woman, who was half a head shorter than the colonel and twice as board did not buy what Sheppard was telling her. They were having the confrontation in the kitchen with Dooberry still in her head chef's attire. She was half way preparing some sweet pastries when the colonel arrived asking to speak to her about the complaint she had written to Dr Weir concerning Snacks, the little alien winged ferret that the colonel had adopted as a pet. Removing her chef's hat, she ran a flour crusted hand across her curly brown hair, leaving white powdery trails in her wake. When her hand reached the tight hair bun tied at the back of her head, she sighed and quickly placed her chef's white hat back on again, ignoring the fact that her hair was now covered with fingerprints of white flour.

She took a quick glance around and saw her five assistants in the background, preparing meals before the busy lunch period that was still a few hours away. Knowing what busy bodies they were and she knew that they would be eavesdropping on the conversation she was having with the Lt. Colonel. _There! _Just as the thought formed, she spied the red head, Roxesa looking her way. That girl had the sharpest ears in the two galaxies and was a terrible gossip to boot. Already she knew that their conversation would be making the rounds across the mess hall within an hour.

To make matters worst, standing a few paces away, not exactly in the kitchen area, but still within hearing distance was Dr Rodney McKay. The scientist was currently munching on an apple tart next to the food counter, waiting for the colonel and listening in on the conversation at the same time. Further beyond, seated in the almost deserted mess hall (as it was still too early for lunch) was the rest of Sheppard's team, Teyla and Ronon. At least, they were courteous enough to take a seat, having ordered a cup of tea and coffee and were keeping their distance, and more importantly, out of the conversation. The same couldn't be said about Dr McKay, who was clearly trying to listen in and being brazenly obvious about it.

For the first time since she became a head chef in Atlantis, Dooberry wished that she had a private office of her own to have conversations such as these. But she felt certain that she was correct concerning the food thief and she wasn't about to back down now, no matter how dashing Sheppard might appear even when he was angry.

"Well, I say that Snacks _is _the thief!" she announced obstinately back at the Lt. Colonel. Dooberry was not one to be intimidated by rank. She could be brash and stubborn when she wanted to. As long as she didn't go over the boundaries of military protocol, she knew that she had rights to defend her kitchen from a cheeky food thief. It didn't matter that her prime suspect was the pet of the Head of Atlantis' military contingent. This concerned _her _kitchen and _her _muffins and for the last two weeks, muffins had been going missing! Muffins that _she_ and _her staff _were accountable for! As she was Atlantis' head chef, it was her business to see to it that it didn't happen again. Once she got her mind set on something, it usually took a tidal wave of immense proportions to shake her from her standpoint. It was one of the reasons why Dooberry got the reputation as being 'pig-headed'. And currently Dooberry believed whole heartedly that Snacks was the muffin thief, which meant that it should be punished and confined - locked away in a cage, never to see the light of day.

At her outburst, she saw Sheppard take a deep breath, as if trying to rein in his own temper. His lips pursed into a thin, hard line before the colonel turned his gaze away from her to look at Snacks instead. The little Talmera was presently bounding around the pilot's feet, happily chasing its cat-like tail. For a winged alien ferret, the little furry critter sometimes behaved very much like a half-crazy puppy! Dooberry made a face. Cute, furry animals were not her thing. In fact, she never had much use for playful canines, puppies or any small furry critters of any kind. In her book, all critters were only good if they could be baked or cooked into some kind of culinary delight. With that thought, she briefly wondered what Snacks would taste like. She instantly dismissed the callous thought when she realised that Snacks was too small and scrawny and would probably taste like tough leather from all the exercise it constantly did - bouncing along and flying about everywhere. It was certainly a little ball of energy, if nothing else. A totally annoying ball of energy that liked to steal blueberry muffins from her kitchen, no less!

Snacks gazed at her at that moment. As Dooberry stared at it, it had the audacity to lick its lips right in front of her, before giving out a little happy yelp as it looked up at the colonel while waging its cat-like tail rapidly from side to side. It blinked dark copper brown eyes up at Sheppard. The pilot looked at it affectionately and gave it a soft whistle. To Dooberry's surprise, Snacks responded immediately. With a hop, skip and a cheerful chirp, the little Talmera spread out a set of elegant eagle-like wings. There was a flapping sound then it was up in the air, swooping about, doing mini flying somersaults, showing off to Sheppard all its flying stunts. Everyone turned to look at its antics, including all of Dooberry's kitchen staff.

Dooberry crossed her arms together and gave the colonel her most disapproval glare. Sure, she was only a cook and he might be the highest ranking officer in Atlantis, but while he was in _her _kitchen, she ruled. Although, it wasn't technically true, it was the way that Dooberry liked to see it. Sheppard seemed to sense it and with another soft whistle, Snacks suddenly turned and landed on the colonel's left shoulder obediently like a pet eagle it certainly wasn't. Eagles hunted for its own food from the wilderness, Snacks stole its food from Dooberry's kitchen.

"Snacks can get a little excited sometimes," he informed her a little sheepishly.

Dooberry continued to watch the winged ferret as it curled its long furry little body around the pilot's shoulders. When it settled, Snacks turned its gaze to blink at Dooberry with beady copper-brown eyes. Dooberry found herself staring into its dark pools again when suddenly it blinked and turned its head away from her to lick and nibble the edge of Sheppard's pointed ear.

"Hey!" Sheppard objected in a voice intermixed between affection and annoyance as he pushed the little Talmera's pink nose away. "Stop that, you little rascal!"

The little critter protested and eyed its human companion with a mischievous twinkle in its copper-brown eyes. Dooberry held her breath then, wondering what it would do next. Without warning, it suddenly scrambled and ducked its entire head into one of the colonel's breast pockets. A second later it wiggled out a half-eaten power bar clutched tightly in its mouth and its cat-like tail began to wag furiously again.

"Oh… so you found it, didn't you? I swear, you have a nose of a hound dog… no wonder McKay has to hide his power bars from you."

In spite of herself, Sheppard's comment brought forth a soft chuckle from Dooberry. His statement made her wonder whether the colonel had owned a dog back home on earth. He certainly seemed the type to have a big furry animal to go running with. She had heard from her staff how the colonel liked to run and he seemed quite taken in by the winged critter. He made a half-hearted attempt to scold Snacks but a minute later he gave in to the impulse of ruffling the Talmera's soft furry body instead. For a brief moment, he seemed to forget that she was standing there and the Head of Atlantis' military contingent appeared boyish and care-free as he played with the alien critter. Dooberry found herself mildly fascinated at the sight of Sheppard that she had never seen before. The scene reminded her of her own son when he was ten, displaying all the kid's enthusiasm while playing with a neighbour's new puppy. The colonel obviously had a lot of affection for the little winged creature and Dooberry knew that she was going to have a fight in her hands to convince him that Snacks was guilty of its crime.

When Sheppard turned back to face her, Dooberry quickly cast her eyes down to the floor, not wanting him to know that she had been observing him and Snacks together. He cleared his throat and shot her a somewhat embarrassed smile.

"Well… I admit it, Snacks is a thief… but he's not the sort of thief that you're implying him to be, Dooberry. Snacks won't steal your blueberry muffins. He likes to take shiny trinkets, power bars, but I can't see him stealing a whole load of muffins. How many did you say went missing?"

"Eighteen," Chef Dooberry replied firmly, now crossing both forearms together as she continued to eye the little winged ferret suspiciously.

"Well, one muffin would be more than enough for this little fella. I can accept it if he stole only one, but eighteen? They won't be able to fit into Snacks' tummy, maybe McKay's…" Both heard the sound of protest from the scientist nearby but Sheppard ignored Rodney as he continued, "but I even doubt that. No, it wasn't Snacks."

The words were adamant and Dooberry knew that the Lt. Colonel was not about to be moved from his standpoint. She narrowed her gaze. "How do you know that? It could be stealing muffins to eat later. Everyone knows that critter has numerous hidey-holes all over Atlantis. Maybe it's stealing them for its litter!"

"Litter?" Sheppard raised his eyebrows in frank surprise. Then he narrowed his gaze and shot Snacks an unreadable look. "Snacks you little rascal, are you getting up to mischief behind my back?"

Further beyond, the head chef heard McKay chuckling to himself before he started to cough, choking on an apple tart he was eating. He went a little red faced, reached out and grabbed a plastic cup of water to wash down the remains of the apple tart that went down the wrong way. Dooberry had the self satisfaction to break into a smile. Served the scientist right for laughing at her.

She turned back to face Sheppard. "Well, alien critters have litters don't they? What's so strange about that? It could have been pregnant or something when it arrived and you just didn't know about it…"

Sheppard shook his head, before lifting a hand to scratch the little Talmera behind the ears. At the caress, the little creature stretched out its neck and gave out a soft, alien cooing sound. Dooberry eyed it suspiciously as Snacks wagged its tail once again before it bent down to munch on the power bar it clutched firmly with its front paws. It ate the power bar like how a squirrel would eat a nut. Dooberry looked at it with distaste. She wondered how the colonel could stand having the furry little critter sitting curled up around his shoulders without worrying about fleas. But from where she stood, Snacks actually didn't seem to smell bad, which made the cook wonder whether the colonel gave it a bath every once in a while.

"Snacks are you pregnant?" the pilot turned to ask the winged ferret in mock conversation. Snacks looked up at the pilot and gave him a squeak and shrill chirp, causing little crumps of half chewed power bar pieces to tumble from its mouth onto the colonel's dark jacket. Its catlike tail thumped happily in response.

"Hmm, I thought not." Sheppard replied as he turned to face Dooberry again, this time displaying a smug look on his face.

Dooberry frowned. Was the colonel making fun of her?

"I _don't _believe for a second that you understood what it said!" she uttered in indignation.

"Oh? Why not?" he asked as one eyebrow lifted clearly amused. Then he chuckled, seemingly letting her off the hook as his hazel green eyes twinkled and he shook his head and grinned. "For the record, Dooberry, Snacks is male… And as far as I know, he brought no female companion with him."

"Oh…" Dooberry clamped her mouth shut and could feel herself going a little red from embarrassment. She hadn't known what gender the little alien creature was; she had made an assumption and spoken without thinking. That trait often got her into trouble.

"Well, a thief is still a thief!" she stated stubbornly.

"I say it was the leprechauns!" McKay piped out suddenly from his corner. There were sniggers from Dooberry's assistants at the scientist's outburst.

Dooberry bristled as she rolled up her sleeves in anger, wishing that she had a rolling pin that she could throw at the scientist. "Stay out of this Dr McKay! Besides, are you making fun of the Irish?! I'll have you know that I'm _not _Irish!"

"Whoa! Calm down, Dooberry! Nobody's making fun or insulting anybody, be that race, culture or creed!" Sheppard stated hurriedly, before he shot McKay an annoyed look as if to tell him to stay out of their conversation. "Isn't that correct, _Rod-ney?_"

"Hey… I only mentioned leprechauns, no insult intended!" Rodney retorted in a voice that sounded every much like a kid's whine. "But maybe I should have said gremlins?"

Sheppard shook his head in exasperation but his eyes shone with light-hearted amusement. The comradely and banter between the colonel and the scientist was obvious and it surprised Dooberry a little. She had heard rumours of how hard it was for anyone to get along with Dr McKay. Sometimes, she and her staff would meet some new member of the scientific community arriving at the mess hall looking pale and terribly upset. When questioned in casual conversation about it, they would mention that they just had their first encounter with Dr Rodney McKay and that all hadn't gone well. His sarcastic bite was legendary to all those in Atlantis and everyone knew that McKay suffered no fools. It also told her that Sheppard was no fool. Neither were Teyla and Ronon, the two aliens who were also members of his team. In fact, she had seen all of them sitting together in the mess hall, teasing Rodney sometimes.

"Okay, let's get this straight. These missing muffins, did they disappear on a single night?" Sheppard asked, his hazel-green eyes focused on her once again.

The question puzzled Dooberry. "Didn't you read the report I wrote to Dr Weir, Colonel?"

To Dooberry's surprise, Sheppard looked a little embarrassed. "Well… I didn't actually _read _it... I just heard that Snacks was being accused of food thievery and that you wanted him confined in chains or locked in a cage which is _not _acceptable in my book."

"Why not? A pesky food thief should be confined in a cage so it can't cause further trouble. Everyone knows what a rascally food thief it is…" Her fiery temper was flaring again, Sheppard's pet or not, the little Talmera deserved not see the light of day. "And if your little winged friend doesn't stay out of my kitchen, it might end up as a speciality winged pie one of these days! As my mother used to say, an animal is only useful if it can be baked, steamed or fried!"

To her surprise, Snacks looked up and wagged its tail at her while giving her a little happy chirp. Dooberry decided that the little Talmera had no brains at all in its wee little head. It was just a food thief and she meant every word that she said.

Sheppard however rounded upon her in anger as he came to the defence of the little Talmera. "Hey! _Firstly_, we're here to determine whether Snacks is _really _the culprit of the missing muffins! _Secondly_, I don't appreciate _slander _or _death threats _against a little critter especially if it _hasn't_ done anything _wrong!__Thirdly_, you _didn't _answer my question and I'm still _waiting _for it!"

Dooberry took a startled step backwards. She could see that the colonel was close to losing his patience now. Gone was the boyish, playful attitude that she normally witnessed in his presence. Instead an angry scowl marred Sheppard's forehead and his hazel-green eyes glistered in fury. It was the first time she was experiencing the blunt of his anger - the fierce protective side that she had only heard about in tales told by his men. Usually she and her staff only saw the calm, friendly, laid back military officer. This was a new side to Sheppard that she had not seen before and it frightened her a little.

Feeling properly chastised and more than a little nervous now, she muttered a reply in a softer more apologetic tone. "Sorry, Colonel Sheppard. The blueberry muffins started disappearing about three weeks ago. Not every night but on some nights. Three muffins would disappear on one night, then another three, and another three… well, you get the picture," she stated hurriedly.

Her words seemed to penetrate Sheppard's anger, and she saw a puzzled frown form in between his brows.

"And when was the last time the muffins were stolen?"

"Two nights ago."

"So, by your assumption, the muffin thief should be returning for another midnight snack soon…"

"Yes, I suppose so," Dooberry replied, wondering where they were heading with this.

"Right," Sheppard stepped back, looking pleased by this piece of information as he broke into a smile. Seeing it, Dooberry released a pent up breath that she hadn't realised she had been holding in. She preferred Sheppard's smile anytime than being the target of his fury.

"Okay, give me a few days until the muffin thief strikes again, and I'll get your thief for you," he promised her. "Until then hold off on writing out further written complaints to Weir about Snacks. I'm willing to bet that it _didn't _steal your muffins. Snacks might be a thief, but he's not the kind to steal so many muffins on one night. And if it turns out to be Snacks, I'll compensate you for all the stolen muffins. Do we have a deal?"

Dooberry wasn't too happy about it but she knew that what Sheppard was asking was reasonable. "All right, but this will be the last time I put up with it," she warned. "I still say that your winged pet is the culprit, darn it! If not, I'll eat my own hat!" She knew it was a silly thing to say. So cliché, but damn it, that little Talmera made her so mad that she was willing to bet anything on it. "But for now, I'm willing to give you a chance to proof otherwise," the words came out grudgingly.

However, despite her promise, a plan was already forming in her mind that she had never considered before. She knew someone who worked in the science labs who could help her set up a trap for the muffin thief. This time, she hoped to catch and stop the little critter in the act. Once caught, there would be no chance of Sheppard defending Snacks especially if she had evidence to proof it. The little Talmera's thieving days was going to be over soon. It was not going to get away stealing from her kitchen again!

---

To be continued

AN: For some reason, I found this fic difficult to write. Maybe because my muses or rather, plot bunnies, had been overworked and wanted a break from sga fanfic writing for a while. I actually, wrote the first chapter a while back and it sat in my hard-drive collecting cobwebs as I had trouble working out an ending for it. I only managed to think up of conclusion yesterday, which is good news for you guys :) I'm actually a little nervous about this, because light hearted, humour fics are not really my normal writing foray. I considered abandoning this fic altogether, but really didn't want to disappoint those readers who had requested a "Snacks" short fic from me. Hopefully, it meets up with your expectation.

This fic should be completed in another chapter or two.


	2. Chapter 2

AN: My most humble apologies for the late update as not only have I been extremely busy with RL lately but I also got a bad case of writer's block. Those traitorous plot bunnies simply refused to work... I would like to sincerely thank _friendshipper _for beta'ing the earlier version of this chapter that seriously needed a beta. ;) Whatever else is wrong with this tale is entirely my fault, but I am truly grateful for _friendshipper's _help. I have not changed the identity of the muffin thief except that the tale now is more grounded to sanity. I would also like to thank everyone who contributed a review, hopefully you guys haven't given up on this.

---

**Chapter 2: Boom goes the muffin!**

**Back to the present**

Sheppard and McKay watched in disbelief as the little Talmera began sniffing about on the kitchen floor. McKay got the camcorder rolling, focusing it on the little critter. From where they crouched, McKay could sense the tensed shoulders and bitter disappointment radiating from Sheppard.

"Hmm… so it wasn't gremlins after all…" Rodney stated softly.

The pilot shook his head and released a low breath. He was silent for a second or two before his shoulders straightened and he turned back to face McKay. The look of determination shining in his hazel-green eyes was clearly evident.

"No, Snacks isn't the thief. He's here for another reason."

---

The various smells in the mess hall tantalised Snacks, but the call of the kitchen with all its foreign and delicious aromas was too tempting to resist. Wagging its tail, the little Talmera dashed into the kitchen where it hoped to get some yummy blueberry muffin tidbits tonight.

Just below the table where the blueberry muffins were placed, Snacks paused to sniff about. The kitchen staff however had done an efficient job of mopping up all food crumbs from the floor, leaving not a single scrap for the winged ferret to lap on.

However, Snacks wasn't too concerned about that as its little pink nose twitched and it began to wag its tail at the sound it had been waiting for. It lifted its head and dashed out of the kitchen, going off to greet the one who was approaching.

---

"Hmm…What was that all about?" McKay wondered aloud, seeing the little Talmera leave the muffins and kitchen in a hurry.

"Shhh…" Sheppard said as he eyed the kitchen doorway intently. "Someone else is approaching."

The heavyset form that entered the mess hall kitchen was dressed in what looked like a white bath robe with a large floppy night hat on his head. The dark shadows of the kitchen covered the face and identity of the person.

"Can you see who it is?" McKay mouthed silently.

Sheppard shrugged and shook his head, before letting out a long drawn out breath, confirming to the scientist just how relieved the pilot was by the appearance of this stranger indicating that the muffin thief might not be Snacks.

As both men watched the robed figure, McKay noted that the person was moving a little oddly. He couldn't quite put his finger on what was _wrong_, but something clearly wasn't quite _right_. It was as if he should know what he was seeing but did not know what it was. When the robed figure reached the blueberry muffin table, Sheppard silently gestured for Rodney keep on recording with the camcorder. Keeping an eye on the shadowed form, both men saw a hand reach out to take one of the blueberry muffins from the tray. A second later there were sounds of a person stuffing the blueberry muffin down his throat as if starving.

"Huh… so Snacks isn't a thief after all…" McKay whispered softly.

"Was there any doubt?" came Sheppard's smug response, obviously forgetting his shock at seeing the little Talmera there earlier.

Rodney bit back a smart-ass retort when he saw Sheppard slowly rise to his feet while at the same time, giving him a hand signal to flank the thief. Nodding in response, McKay carefully placed the camcorder on the floor as he followed suit, imitating the colonel's actions as they closed in on the muffin munching thief.

At that moment, Snacks came bounding into the kitchen again with a happy, cheerful yelp. Wagging its tail furiously in excitement, it looked up at the robed figure, waiting in eager anticipation for a feed. The muffin thief ignored the Talmera as the form continued to eat the muffin vigorously, dropping little bits of muffin crumbs onto the floor with each greedy bite. Snacks, as if knowing this would happen, quickly lapped up the muffin bits from the floor. However it didn't stay there long, for halfway between eating the crumbs, its nose suddenly twitched and sharp beady eyes zeroed in on Sheppard and McKay who were making their way stealthily towards the muffin thief.

Recognizing them, the little Talmera gave out an excited yelp and flapped towards the two men in frenzied delight.

"Crap! Our cover's blown!" McKay hissed in panic, wondering what to do now.

However, Sheppard wasn't fazed by it as he was already moving forward swiftly. Yanking out his 9mm and he aimed it at the blueberry muffin munching thief and said in a loud, commanding tone, "Don't move! You're surrounded!"

McKay rolled his eyes. Sheppard evidently had played too many Cops and Robbers as a kid. However, to both men's surprise, the muffin thief continued to eat, ignoring their presence as if they didn't exist. McKay shot Sheppard a puzzled and '_What now?_' look. A small frown formed in between Sheppard's brows as he gave Rodney a shrug, apparently baffled by the thief's none-reaction too.

Snacks, in the meantime, ignored the thief's none-reaction as if it was the most normal thing in the world and continued to flap towards Sheppard and McKay, giving the two men happy chirps, a couple of wing flaps and many tail wags.

"_Shhh!_" Sheppard said to the little critter as he quickly bent down and scooped up the little Talmera with his free hand as it landed on the floor by his feet. Snacks immediately hopped and scrambled up the pilot's arm and contentedly wrapped its furry little body around the colonel's shoulders. The muffin thief all this time, continued to eat, still ignoring the both of them.

"Hey! Muffin thief! Weapon-_aimed-_at-you!" McKay said the last sentence in a brash sing-song tone. But like before, the shadowed figure did not turn towards them but continued to eat.

By now both Sheppard and McKay were feeling quite perplexed. Something obviously wasn't right here. A normal thief simply _wouldn't _ignore the warning especially when he had a 9mm weapon aimed at him.

Sheppard's frown deepened and McKay took a nervous swallow. Neither men liked how the figure was behaving. The muffin thief continued to wolf down the first muffin, ignoring them completely. As soon as he finished eating the first muffin, a hand reached out, this time grabbing the biggest, largest muffin placed at the centre of the muffin tray.

Sheppard took a deep breath and jerked his weapon forward in a threatening manner. "I said _don't _move!" he warned curtly, his tone taking on a rougher edge now. Snacks, startled by the colonel's hard commanding tone, took off into flight again and began to fly circles above them.

To both men's indignation, the thief continued to ignore them. The thief's fingers curled around the blueberry muffin and lifted it off the tray. However, as he did so, both men saw what looked like a thin string attached to the bottom of the large muffin being lifted up.

"Oh God... is that...?" McKay stammered out, but before he could finish his sentence, Sheppard was already pushing him down while shouting out the warning, "_Get down! It's booby-trapped!_"

The warning came too late as suddenly a loud explosion deafened the room and bright blue, gooey liquid splashed over everyone. The muffin thief let out a startled scream before flailing and stumbling backwards, crashing bodily into both Sheppard and McKay. At the same time, muffins flew in all directions, going '_Splat!_' on everyone's hair, face, clothes and body. Even Snacks didn't escape the flying muffin torpedoes as one particularly large rotating muffin bounced right into the paint splattered critter, knocking it down like a flying blue target.

With a startled yelp, the little Talmera plunged like a rock to the ground, its body hitting Sheppard violently at the side of his head as it fell. Half stunned by the impact, the pilot let out a painful gasp when he felt the little alien critter reach out in panic, clawing through the sleeve of his right forearm, slicing into flesh with its sharp claws in an attempt to break its fall. It caused Sheppard's gun to be accidentally discharged, blowing an impressive hole into the kitchen ceiling above them while small bits of white concrete showered on their heads. Alarms also started to blast in deafening tones all around them at the activation of the trap that someone had had obviously set up for the muffin thief.

Sheppard found himself falling painfully into a tangled mess with everyone else on kitchen floor. The impact of the floor and the tangle of bodies knocked his breath away and made him see stars before everything went black momentarily.

---

The high pitched scream and loud grating curse were competing most impressively with the alarms blaring loudly all around them. Sheppard opened his eyes and groaned, wishing the room would stop spinning so dramatically. It was making him feel nauseous and sick. There was a painful burning sensation on his right forearm, making him wonder how that came to be. Looking down at the injured limb, he saw his right sleeve torn and covered with blood. Grimacing, he turned it over to note the deep gashes caused by the sharp claws of one panicked Talmera. He knew that Snacks didn't mean to harm him when it fell, but nevertheless his head throbbed painfully and the cuts on his arm hurt like hell. Worried about his little winged friend, Sheppard looked around frantically only to spy Snacks' little furry body lying a few paces away from him on the messy kitchen floor. It appeared dazed but not really hurt. Like the rest of them however it's body was also covered with wet, blue goo.

Sheppard wrinkled his nose and made a face when he realised that something smelt bad. Really, really bad; like rotten onions, eggs, cheese and perhaps a dead rat or two all rolled into one, bad. He shook his head, hoping to clear it and immediately wished that he hadn't as strange bright dots of colours began to dance before his vision in a wild, chaotic manner. He groaned and dropped his head back to the ground again only to realise that his nose was now almost touching on a blue puddle of really stinking goo that made him want to throw up right there and then. Pushing his head back up again, he gasped and panted, silently commanding himself with the words of "_I will not puke! I will NOT puke!_". Nothing could be worse than adding puke to the already disgusting stink all around them.

"What the heck happened?! And _what _is that _awful _smell?!" McKay gasped out loudly in protest next to Sheppard. A struggling body and flailing arm suddenly struck Sheppard at the side of his already bruised head.

"Ow!" The colonel cried out, seeing a new set of impressive stars dazzle his already blurred vision. "_Watch it! _McKay!" he said in annoyance, but the pain was enough to distract him from the smell and stop his stomach from rebelling further.

"Oh... is that you, Sheppard? _S-sorry!_" McKay yelled over the blaring alarms. "What's this blue goo that we're _covered _in?" he said in aghast. "It freaking _stinks!_" The scientist wrinkled his nose in disgust.

Sheppard shook his head, winced and tried to untangle himself from McKay and the muffin thief. "Some sort of chemical marker, probably set up as a trap to identify the muffin thief."

Both the muffin thief and Rodney were also struggling to free themselves from the others and get off the messy, muffin riddled and blue goo coated floor. However, the slippery blue goo made it difficult for them to get to their feet, making them slip and slide and fall back down again. Sheppard was wise enough not to attempt getting up, remaining where he was as he didn't feel up to standing yet.

When McKay fell down on his butt for a third time in a row, resounding in a big "Ow! I think I just twisted something!" he finally gave up trying to get off the floor while covered in slippery and stinky blue goo.

The muffin thief however was still struggling to get up. Words were shouted in a confused and incoherent manner, spoken in a high pitched and yet oddly familiar voice.

Sheppard frowned as he watched the thief. When the room finally decided to stop spinning from the second accidental knock he had received on his head, he reached out and pulled off the large floppy hat that covered the thief's head. Long, cascading, curly mousy-brown hair tumbled down, surprising both Rodney and John at its appearance. With a start, both men realised that their muffin thief was not a _he _but actually a _she! _

"_Dooberry?!_" Sheppard gasped out the name in a stunned voice. "_Chef Dooberry?! You're _the _muffin thief?!_"

"W-what?!" Dooberry stammered out, blinking up at them owlishly "What the heck are you talking about?" She turned to gaze around, looking very confused as she took in the scene of the exploded muffins, the blue paint covering her once clean kitchen floor and walls; and their own dismal muffins and paint splattered condition.

Realisation slowly dawned over what had happened and she exclaimed in an enraged tone, "That idiotic Dr Lelderny! What did he do to my kitchen?! And what I am doing here?!" she demanded. Then dark eyes turned towards Sheppard, narrowing in a menacing manner as she took in Snacks' wet blue coated form lying next to the dazed colonel.

"The muffin thief!" she shrieked in a triumphant tone.

Both Sheppard and McKay shared a confused and puzzled look. Did Dooberry not _know _what she had been doing a moment ago?

"Are you _nuts?! _Snacks _isn't _the thief! _It's you!_" McKay burst out in a loud, annoyed voice.

"_What?!_" Atlantis' head chef swirled her head to look at Rodney, clearly confused.

"Sorry to burst your bubble, Dooberry, but you're the thief, we caught you in the act red-handed," Sheppard spoke up now.

"What?!" Dooberry said again, turning back to look at Sheppard again, her confusion growing larger. "No! NO! This must be some trick!" Her eyes narrowed again and this time Sheppard saw anger reflected in them. "What's your game, colonel? You can't save your little winged friend now. That's Snacks sitting beside you in my kitchen! Surely he's the one who has been stealing my muffins!"

"_Wrong _again!" McKay piped up in a sing-song voice. "I don't know what hallucinogenic drug you're on, Dooberry, but we got you recorded on tape, taking and eating your own blueberry muffins!"

"What?!" Dooberry stammered out again.

Sheppard frowned suddenly, blinking in an attempt to clear his blurred vision as he moved his right hand to rub at his eyes.

"Hey, you okay? Your arm's bleeding, did you know that?" McKay asked him, sounding a little concerned now.

"Yeah, I'm fine, it's just scratch," Sheppard replied. Then he stared at Dooberry and asked, "What are you dressed in, Dooberry?" A suspicion was slowly forming in his mind over the mystery of what had happened. It would explain Dooberry's odd behaviour earlier to her current state of confusion and her insistence that Snacks was still the muffin thief.

At that question, Dooberry seemed to jerk back, surprised by the question. "What?!" she asked again, obviously her favourite word of the night. Then her eyes went to her bath robe and at her sleeping attire which she currently wore.

"Oh _Shit!_" she exclaimed in sudden horror as realisation dawned at how she got to be there in the first place. Both hands clamped over her opened mouth and her eyes widened in self denial. "No! Oh no! It _can't _be!" she exclaimed again. "I must have been _sleepwalking_! I used to sleepwalk as a kid, but ... I thought the problem righted itself; I've never slept-walked in years!"

"Sleepwalking? More like sleep-eating!" McKay sniggered now as he too began to realise the reason behind Dooberry's confused state.

Dooberry frowned darkly before she turned back to face them as her thoughts sorted themselves out. "That would explain why I've been putting on weight while I've been going on a diet! I was wondering why it _wasn't _working. Now I know that it's because I've stuffing my face with blueberry muffins while sleepwalking at night!"

"Hmm, makes sense. Going on a diet must have affected your subconscious especially when your body's still hungry. It must have triggered off your old childhood sleepwalking habit!" McKay observed, wagging his fingers and nodding his head smugly at his own assessment.

"Which means Snacks was innocent all along _and _the reason why he was so friendly to you before is because you're the one who have been feeding him with your left-over muffins bits," Sheppard observed with a grin, this time ignoring his throbbing head and bleeding forearm as he pulled the little Talmera's blue goo covered body towards him.

Snacks blinked up at Sheppard and the rest of them a little dazedly. Then it gave them a happy chirp before it began to shake its goo coated body furiously like a dog's, showering everyone with splatters of wet, stinking goo.

McKay cursed, trying to dodge the fat drops of blue paint while Dooberry shrieked in horror, covering her dirty hands over her face, only to make the blue paint smears over her face look worse than before.

Sheppard however reached out towards Snacks, saying a stern, "Stop that, Snacks!" before pulling the little Talmera towards him in a friendly caress, stilling the little Talmera from shaking further and splashing paint over everyone.

Snacks gave another squeak before copper brown eyes lifted to stare curiously at Sheppard, McKay and Dooberry. It then sat up straight and began to wag its cat-like tail in a merry way as if wanting another midnight feed. The stink around them didn't seem to bother it. Despite his bleeding arm and throbbing headache, Sheppard chuckled and began to scratch the little Talmera behind the ears, while Snacks rubbed its neck deeper into his fingers and cooed happily away.

"So, what kind of ketchup would you like to go with your hat?" Sheppard turned back to ask Dooberry. He could hear footsteps and voices of other people arriving now. The jangling alarms must have alerted Atlantis Security and everyone else in Ancient city to their position.

Dooberry turned, looking very confused at the colonel.

"What?" she looked at him again, clearly puzzled by the sudden change of topic, while McKay mimicked a silent '_What?_' the same time Dooberry said it. It certainly appeared to be her favourite word of the night.

Sheppard smiled but said nothing to encourage McKay's antics further. Instead his gaze shot towards Dooberry again, giving her his most serious look.

"You told me that you would eat your hat if Snacks wasn't the muffin thief," Sheppard reminded her, still petting the little winged alien critter that was snuggling closer towards him. Snacks closed its eyes and cooed louder in blissful contentment, clearly enjoying the fingers that scratched it behind the ears.

McKay chuckled. "Oh, I can't wait to see that!" he said, clearly forgetting the fact that he was covered in stinky blue goo and that they would probably remain blue for quite a while until the blue stain marker faded away. "You _did _promise to do that! I was a witness! I heard it!"

Dooberry's eyes widened in horror as she realised what Sheppard was referring to. "Oh _shit!_" she exclaimed, looking aghast. "You can't _really _expect me to _eat _my hat?!"

Sheppard threw his head back and laughed, shaking his head. It was good to wind Dooberry up a little. After all, she _did _accuse Snacks of muffin thievery and had threatened to bake the little Talmera into a pie. However, he was no bully and he did not expect her to do something that was obviously ridiculous and said in the heat of anger.

"No, Dooberry, I don't. But you still owe Snacks an apology and probably lots of warmly baked blueberry muffins. Also.., he's to be always welcomed into the mess hall and treated warmly like anyone of your customers."

Snacks lifted its head, smacked its lips and wagged its tail as if it understood exactly what Sheppard had just said. Then it wiggled out from Sheppard's grasp and bounced towards Dooberry. The head chef looked at the little alien critter with wide horrified eyes before she tentatively sighed and her features softened towards the little winged critter.

"I guess I could do that... After all, it _doesn't _smell bad, well, it does _smell _now, we all do, but it didn't when I met Snacks in the kitchen with you a few days ago. Perhaps its presence will chase away any rodents we have in Atlantis."

McKay popped his head up and said, "Wait! We have rodents?" He turned to look around a little nervously. "I hate rodents."

Snacks sat back on its haunches and blinked its beady eyes up at Dooberry as if still waiting for that said apology and perhaps even a snack or two from Atlantis' head chef. Sheppard broke into another amused chuckle. He knew that Dooberry would keep her word. A hard case, she might be, but once she said that she would do something, she made sure she did it. He knew that from her service record that he had read earlier.

It appeared that Snacks had made a new, if somewhat reluctant friend. Snacks seemed to know it too. Maybe it was just the instinctive way that some animals knew whether someone truly intended to harm them or not. And for all her buster, it appeared that Snacks knew that Dooberry had never really intended to harm it after all. As it turned out, Dooberry herself was the culprit of her own crime, being the unsuspecting muffin thief, a victim of sleepwalking, who was stealing and eating her own muffins while feeding Snacks muffin crumbs in the process. Sometimes the world was filled with irony, but this time, Sheppard liked how things turned out in the end.

The End


End file.
